HOW TO APPROACH LIVING BEAUTIFULLY (PART 2)

There are many reasons why we fear losing our even unnecessary stuff. We've already dealt with the concern that we may need it again, or may feel remorseful later.

There may be a more deep-seated fear that psychologists and economists call 'loss aversion' at play. According to this theory, we resent losing things or money much more than we like gaining the equivalent thing*.

Stuff isn't just stuff to people. We attach value to things beyond mere function. They remind us of people or experiences, and we want to hold on to the memories. 

We obviously do not try to fight emotional attachment. Instead, we pry just enough to weigh these feelings against the constraints (usually a lack of space). This handholding allows us to suggest practical solutions that often work for other clients. For example, memories can be recorded, digitised. While we acknowledge that many people like to touch their photographs and watch their slides, there is wide acceptance of scanning photos, certificates, children's art, letters and even legal records (except where the law requires originals). If the motivation is to keep a memory alive, these ideas often work just as well, or better, because the memories can easily be indexed and accessed. Photo books, although not a pure digital solution, are a healthy compromise, and make for easy storage. They also make wonderful gifts.

The first thing we tell our clients when meeting them at their homes or offices is “We are not here to judge you.”. On many occasions, we have met with a client whose house, on the surface, appears immaculate - tidy and minimalist. When we ask why they called us for assistance, they tell us that they were so ashamed of their clutter that they were compelled to hide it all before we arrived. Very often, they ask “How could I let my life go like this?” or “When did things fall apart?”. Quite often, they feel shameful of others’ opinions. There is a need to be seen as organised and perfect.

We know you won’t feel different just because we say you should. But, really and truly, there is no shame in owning clutter. Everyone has some. And, if our clients are a yardstick, most people have too much and their clutter is out of control. Their stuff owns them. 

Taking the first step to confront the problem is brave. Pat yourself on the back. Don’t give in to the shame impulse. 

Has someone given you a gift and you feel guilty not keeping it? Is it your responsibility as a parent to hold onto every piece of children’s art, school clothes, belongings of others? Do you feel guilty about getting rid of a deceased loved one’s possessions? 

I’m often asked what to do with gifts that are unwanted. The answer is simple: a gift should be unconditional so it is your choice what to do with it. However, many clients often feel that they are compelled to keep a gift ‘in case’ the gift-giver visits and wants to see them use that gift. They cannot bear the guilt of getting rid of it.  

Often our clients don't want to get rid of stuff because they don’t want to engage with specific items at all and prefer to avoid the associated memories. Here, as our stories attest to, cathartic experiences tend to win the day, and we therefore recommend gentle confrontation to close a chapter and to move on, assuming you’re ready.

Almost all of our older clients with children or close family ties imagine that stuff they don't use will be valuable to the chosen recipients. When we speak to these people, they inevitably say they don't want these things. This usually happens because things come in and go out of fashion (but mostly go out). It also occurs because design evolves, and designs do tend to improve over time. It also happens because things often embody negative emotion for the targeted recipient.

Supply and demand being the strong forces that they are, our clients almost always over-estimate the commercial value of their stuff. Naturally, we generalise. Sometimes we do find gems, collectables that have stood the test of time. This is one reason why we advocate using experts who are likely to find and identify the gems. It is why we suggest that purges should be consultative, including experts and loved ones. Your kids may have their own sentimental attachment to your stuff and the space to keep it in.

Many of us work full-time and our weekends and evenings are precious. No-one wants to declutter their garage then. A lot of people who consult us therefore want us to do the job for them, without their involvement. If you've been reading with attention up to now, you will know that this approach is not ideal, nor even possible. You have to be make too many decisions to kick this ball over the fence. However, a facilitated approach, holding the client’s hand, can save a lot of time, and assist with the emotions.

If you can't afford professional organisers, then you need to weigh up the time commitment against the stress that we assume exists. We offer two potential solutions.   

“I don't use my good stuff, but I will. One day…” 

 We're sure you know this one well. You have more than one dinner set. And the one gathering dust has never been used (unless you count washing off the dust every spring - talk about stuff owning you!). Just stop kidding yourself. Use the stuff. Or not. Just stop kidding yourself about it. 

Our motto is: Wear the party dress and use the Noritake.  

What if, indeed. In urban areas, we’re never far away from a shop, so the risk of running out of something ranges from non-existent to negligible. Furthermore, even if you are someone who isn’t very mobile, online shopping is easily accessible and relatively cheap (again, at least in the major urban areas). Once you know your consumption pattern, just buy enough so that you have a reasonable stock buffer to last until the next shopping day. 

So now that you’re out of excuses, remember that this war-time attitude leads to hoarding.